As I was perusing some of my past journal entries this morning I came across a few thoughts I needed to revisit myself! So I’ve chosen to share something I wrote on a really good day about a month ago, with the hope that it also resonates with some of you…
Have you ever tried to live in the moment? I mean to really, truly, live in the present moment, every moment of your life? It’s HARD right? Like seemingly impossible! Our brains are completely wired to think about what happened in the past or is going to happen in the future, even if it is just seconds from now.
Well my darlings, when the past is a pile of smoking ash and the future is a gaping black hole, the present is our savior. In the present, anything is possible. And if, while in the present, one quietly asks, “what am I supposed to do right now?” there WILL be an answer! Sometimes that answer is simply “Breathe!” or “look up,” or “Let the tears pour out until you cannot stay awake anymore. Then rest. Sleep. Let your body relax into the cool bathroom floor, thank God it is a warm night and you just mopped the tile. Seek solace in the love of your dogs and remember that they are my gift to you and that they ARE enough for tonight. Allow this knowledge to reassure you that I have not forsaken you, but this is in fact all part of my plan. And if the only thing you can cling to is how devastated your fur babies will be if you disappear from this planet, then cling to that and rest. Tomorrow is another day. You are stronger than you think. Let the tears cleanse your soul, take a deep breath, and in the morning we shall take up the journey again, for I have not forsaken you.”
And when you have survived enough nights like that, you learn to listen to that voice first, to ask it first, and to follow the whispers in a nanosecond, before your subconscious or your ego can prevent you from taking action. And after living this way for some time, you begin to notice that your present is increasingly functioning like a well oiled machine with a crystal ball into the future, and “listening” stops being something you do to survive and starts being something you do because it is the most effective way to thrive!
Since I started consistently living my life this way, originally out of necessity and eventually out of habit, life has come to feel more like a party game than a foot race through quicksand. Frustration over the inability to find a parking space is replaced by excitement about what imminent encounter or experience requires that I spend ten minutes hunting for a parking spot – because rest assured…
…The Universe takes no pleasure in wasting your time.
Today that happy encounter was an Empanada bakery! The only spot available for 4 blocks was right smack in front of Nonna’s Empanadas, and I needed to gain 2 pounds! I spent ten minutes choosing from what must be 100 Empanada flavors (from Classic Beef to Vegetable Samosa to Apple Raisin) and chatting with the staff. It turns out this is the second of two shops, the other of which is in the Farmers Market across the street from my apartment! (Oh shit, I do NOT need these empanadas within walking distance of my home!)
My bag loaded with a modest selection of these delectable little Mexican pastries, I proceeded, smiling, to my primary destination, the notary at Wells Fargo – who, it turned out, would not be able to assist me today, which could easily have been discerned over the phone had anyone taken a moment to check with her when I called.
Old Me would have sighed, said thank you and left, silently annoyed. Georgia Leigh 2.0 calmly told the bank concierge that their customer service regarding notary services was sorely lacking, and that although it made little difference to me because I had nothing pressing on this particular day, it was simply bad business and demonstrated a lack of respect for customers’ time. I then thanked them and left the bank in high spirits…
…grateful for this unexpected opportunity to practice calmly speaking my mind with dignity and respect
while also scoring a goody bag full of empanadas which will have my Guy showering me with kisses (and likely a good deal more) when he gets home.
I hopped in my car and just as I was preparing to merge with the heavy four PM LA traffic, I realized I was out of water and exceedingly thirsty after my massage. Wouldn’t you know it…there was a liquor store next to the Empanada shop! However, when I went to pay for my water I realized I needed to pay with cash, which had me digging around in my purse to see if I had any, which reminded me I had forgotten to get cash while at the bank! If I had not left my water at home, or the store hadn’t had a steep surcharge for credit cards, I would have gone home without the cash I needed to pay back a friend. If easy parking had been available I wouldn’t have had Empanadas, and if the notary had been available I would not have had a chance to practice speaking my mind without self consciousness or apology – a critical skill requiring regular practice for an empath emerging from 47 years of chronic emotional abuse.
What some may have seen as a day peppered with annoyances and delays, I have learned to see as a day filled with opportunities to open my mind and my life to the Universe.
So give it a try. Live in the moment. Learn to see each and every obstacle as an opportunity to have exactly the experience you are intended to have in that moment. Have the courage to believe you are on this planet for a reason. That no mistakes were made. It is precisely BECAUSE you have so much to offer the world, so much to share, to teach, to give, that you have suffered an existential pain beyond comprehension. You are being forged into a vessel for helping others. The sociopathic narcissist wants to cast you in their image – a disempowered subject to their whims. But forging creates a metal with 26% higher tensile strength and 37% higher fatigue strength than casting.
Narcissists cast for their own benefit. God (by whatever name you choose to call Him/Her/It) forges, and does it for the Greater Good of the Universe as a whole. So forge on in faith that there IS a plan and all you have to do is listen and follow the path laid before you, one step at a time. You are not alone. You have not been forsaken.