Eulogy

Dear DickHead,

I have to thank you for killing her, the woman you married, the mother of your children. She was a beautiful, talented woman who knew only how to care for others. She had no idea how to stand up for or by herself, so when you burned her world down and bludgeoned her heart she was utterly without defenses or survival skills.

That loving, generous, neurotic, anxiety riddled woman did not have the strength I do – and not because she hadn’t suffered! She suffered so much, at the hands of every person she ever loved, that she never learned her true worth. She spent so much of her life caring for others and being what they needed her to be that she never learned how to be herself.

When her destruction became your life’s mission she died a long, slow, excruciatingly painful death, in the process giving birth to me.

The compassionate encouragement of the Universe combined with the first real friends I’ve had in my entire life have enabled me to become a woman capable of anything to which I put my mind. A woman I could not have been if your wife and the mother of your children had not left to me the best parts of herself when she passed. How I wish she had understood her worth. She might have left years ago, before you destroyed her and everything she had built.

But, you will say, “I always wanted the best for her, always encouraged her.” Though this may be true on some level, your heart’s goal was not to help her become the best version of herself for herself, but the version that would best validate the image of yourself you wished to project onto the world. There is a name for this, and it is not Unconditional Love.

“Love” that looks like this is better known as Emotional Abuse and Gaslighting. And it is, apparently, the only “love” of which you are capable. And it killed your wife, may she Rest In Peace.

When I contemplate the fate of the poor woman you gaslit to death, my heart weeps for her and I am immeasurably grateful for the skills and wisdom she bequeathed to me. Because of her I have the opportunity and freedom to find new purpose as an artist and writer, and her spirit is my guide as I develop these skills and build the life I deserve. She is the most creative, fun teacher, and with the skills she honed in mothering her daughters, her spirit is guiding me now to become the best possible version of myself in every way, unearthing and honing hidden talents, discovering what True Love feels like, and experiencing relationships so beautifully fulfilling I thought they existed only in stories.

She was spectacular in her own way, and I will carry her in my heart through every leg of my journey towards the Light.


'Eulogy' has 1 comment

  1. October 8, 2018 @ 4:52 PM Amanda

    Oh my God. This is beautiful and heartbreaking.

    Reply


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