I am not “excited” about the realization that I suffer with PTSD for any reason other than it explains every single peculiar thing about me that I have questioned my entire life.
I do not relish the fact that it still frequently controls me. However, if I hope to be free of it (which I DO!) then I must evaluate and dissect every aspect of myself, which I can only do by raising my awareness of every physical and emotional response to external stimuli.
This is not a process I am enjoying. But I have always been one to believe it is best to tend carefully to the wound until it has healed and then pull the Bandaid off quickly and completely. I am committed to this task and to enjoying the healing that comes on the other side. If I survive.